We don’t just mean “make a list and check it twice.” There are a million cards to send and gifts to wrap, a double batch of cookies to make for that school party, and all the while your mom is guilt-tripping you for not bringing your family to their house for the holidays. The end of the year can be stressful mentally, emotionally, and logistically. While we all know we should buy gifts ahead of time instead of waiting for the last minute, present shopping is hardly the only source of holiday stress nagging at moms this time of year.
Scary Mommy asked Kati Morton, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the forthcoming book Why Do I Keep Doing This? Unlearning the Habits Keeping You Stuck and Unhappy, what we can do starting now to make the holidays easier on ourselves. Text your girlfriends and ask if you’re exchanging gifts this year, or if you know you’d rather not, say so (money’s tight for everyone right now!).
Call up your family and your in-laws and let everyone know where you’ll be spending the holidays, how long you can stay when you visit, and any other plans that may have caused confusion or hurt feelings in the past. We don’t want there to be any assumptions that people have or expectations that aren’t met because one of my favorite quotes, and I forget who even said it, is expectations that are not communicated are resentments in the making,” says Morton. (Editor’s note: This quote, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments,” is from The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Neil Strauss.) Once you’ve decided on what you’d like to do for the holidays and how much you’re capable of, make that clear to your relatives. Was looking at our calendar for Thanksgiving, that’s what we can do,’” Morton says.
Find what actually makes you feel better (Morton says a lot of people genuinely hate breathing exercises) and practice it in advance. What helps you feel better? Is it deep breathing or is it just doing a little body shake?
I personally love qigong; it makes my anxiety just calm down. Try some things out now so that we’re not trying a coping skill for the first time at Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas Eve,” she advises. Morton recommends sitting down and making a list of all the tasks involved in making the holidays happen.
You’re going to Thanksgiving dinner but need to bring a dish. Do you have to be the one who shops for the ingredients, prepares it, and washes up after? When gift shopping, are you the only one in the house who can determine a budget, choose gifts, physically go to the store or sit down to order them, and then wrap them?
Extract — continue reading at the source.
