If you’ve ever thought “after everything I do,” therapists say you might have one. You did bedtime solo every single night this week. You did the baths, with all the splishing and the splashing and the bubble anarchy.
You fielded the lightning round of existential questions at 8:47 p.m. (“Mommy, what happens to doggies when they die?”). You tucked everyone in and then did your regular closing-time routine to get the rest of the house buttoned up for bed. So when Saturday morning rolls around, you’re planning to sleep in.
You fully expect your partner to wake up and handle the kids, the breakfast, the early morning dog walking duties. Then your kids are in your face before you can even pry your eyes open, wondering where their soccer cleats are or if you can get more juice. OK, so here comes the uncomfortable gut-check… did you communicate your expectations to your partner?
Or did you just sort of assume it was a done deal? This scenario has been dubbed a "covert contract," and therapists say it can lead to a whole lot of resentment building up in a relationship over time. Here’s what experts want you to know about where this behavior comes from, how to spot it in your own actions, and how it differs from the imbalance of the invisible load.
Somehow, your partner is the only person unaware of said agreement. But your partner being unaware doesn’t change the way you feel. The hurt is just as real as if they’d actually broken a promise.
This was something every expert agreed on! However, the need itself isn’t the issue here; it’s the delivery method. Jenni Skyler, Adam & Eve’s resident sex and relationship therapist.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
