Mike walked into his 20th high school reunion with a mission. The 40-year-old firefighter from Melbourne was not the first, nor will he be the last, to enter such a space with an agenda. After all, few social situations are as fraught as high school reunions.
Some may relish the chance to reconnect with former friends, a former life and even a former self, but for many they are a potential hellscape, where adolescent humiliations are revived in front of a group of rapidly ageing peers. Mike, who attended an all-boys’ school in Melbourne’s comfortable eastern suburbs, belonged to the latter group. Though he wasn’t there for vengeance.
He was there to apologise. For years, he’d felt regret about the homophobic bullying a friend had faced at school. Although Mike never targeted the boy himself, he “always felt guilty about not doing enough”.
He knew he couldn’t change the past, but he hoped to clear his conscience and apologise for not intervening. The pair did connect, and atonements were made. Mike, though, left with new laments.
I felt like a bit of a dick, accidentally getting an old friend who’d experienced genuinely horrific bullying to walk me through my feelings.” Still, as far as reunion stories go, Mike’s had a happy ending, as the old friends reconnected over a few drinks. Despite the unavoidable anxiety, school reunions can be a space for reflection, joy and even closure. But if you’d rather not wind up being consoled by a traumatised former friend beside the cheese platter, preparing in advance may help. r the weekend, every Sunday morning “No one is ever obligated to attend a reunion,” says psychologist Sahra O’Doherty.
If you find yourself going back and forth, she suggests writing a list of pros, but not cons. The former pupil of a small, close-knit girls’ school is a fan of these events “because it’s an easy way to meet up with several classmates at the same venue”, but says attending once doesn’t need to be a lifetime RSVP. She has skipped decades when she hasn’t had the time, “or there are work and family commitments”.
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