The year is 2041 and you’ve successfully made it through security and onto the grounds of the USTA Liquid Death National Tennis Center. Myla Rose and Leo Federer are hitting on Practice Court 23 ahead of their first-round match in the US Open Mixed Doubles sponsored by Botoxxify, the tournament’s official neuromodulator partner. Jake Paul, the 50th president of the United States, is a few hours from attending opening night with first lady Jutta Leerdam-Paul and labor secretary Dana White.
Venus Williams has just accepted a wildcard into the women’s singles draw. You’re thisclose to paying off last year’s Honey Deuces on Klarna. It’s been 15 years since Craig Tiley first used that shorthand before the 2026 US Open, barely a month after taking over as chief executive of the United States Tennis Association.
Longtime Open-goers had already adopted it as gallows humor, muttering it between expletives on the outer courts during qualifying week, which for another few years was still free. That Tiley meant it aspirationally told you everything you needed to know about where New York’s annual late-summer orgy of sport, fashion and conspicuous consumption was headed. Tiley’s grand vision was a future US Open with more entertainment, more extracurriculars and more “opportunities” for children and adults to experience things.
At a tournament where the once-humble grounds pass already fetched hundreds of dollars on the resale market and chicken nuggets flecked with Petrossian caviar went for $100, the natural question was: more what? An incremental, almost imperceptible erosion of value-for-money not seen in American life since the Airline Deregulation Act of 1978. Prior to entry, guests are encouraged to download the US Open Experience app and select one of four admission tiers: Grounds Pass, Grounds Pass Plus, Grounds Pass Platinum and Grounds Pass Presented by FTX (they’re back now).
Tennis is included with Platinum. Guests wishing to watch an actual match can purchase a FastPass to skip the regular queue for the escalator to the 300 level of Blackstone Court at Arthur Ashe Stadium. For an additional $85, the FastPass+ allows holders to briefly make eye contact with a player.
Fans in need of refreshment can relax at the Emirates Luxury Hydration Pavilion, where a bottle of water costs $31 but comes with a commemorative cap in the shape of a miniature Anna Wintour in sunglasses. Visit the Grey Goose Food Court for the Mega Honey Deuce, a 96-ounce vodka lemonade served in a souvenir fishbowl with six melon balls and one month of complimentary credit monitoring. Viral foods are still mass produced as another layer of the fan experience.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
