Before you turn to Google or AI for life advice, think about who you could call. Maybe it’s your grandmother, an older neighbor, a longtime family friend, or the former colleague who always seemed to understand what mattered—and what really didn’t. Karl Pillemer has made a career out of doing just that.
The Cornell University gerontologist and author of 30 Lessons for Living directs The Legacy Project, which has gathered practical life advice from nearly 1,500 older adults since 2004. Across backgrounds, income levels, and regions, Pillemer says, the same handful of themes surfaced again and again: Prioritize relationships over money. Say yes to opportunities instead of always playing it safe.
Pay attention to ordinary pleasures, like a warm bed on a cold night, a good cup of coffee, or a brightly colored bird outside the window. You don’t need to interview 1,500 people to benefit from that perspective. Start with one older woman you trust—but don’t simply ask which habits she followed.
Some were meaningful choices; others were simply what her time and circumstances demanded. Instead, Pillemer suggests asking: “As you look back over your life, what’s the most important thing you’ve learned that you’d like to pass on to someone younger?” Then ask her to help you make it small: “What could I do this week to put that lesson into practice?” Trying her answer might make your life a little better, while asking the question could make both of you feel more connected. This impulse is already bubbling up online.
Nonna-maxxing has filled social-media feeds with slow mornings, Sunday dinners, homemade pasta, gardening, knitting, and other routines associated with Italian grandmothers. Hana Ben-Shabat, a generational researcher and founder of Gen Z Planet, believes it’s resonating partly because it offers a reprieve from the algorithms, constant stimulation, and pressure to optimize nearly every aspect of modern life. Still, copying what an older woman did isn’t necessarily the same as learning from her.
Your grandmother might have cooked every meal from scratch because she believed deeply in gathering people around the table—or because she didn’t have a microwave, two incomes to juggle, or a delivery app. As he puts it: “It wasn’t wisdom. It was 1962.” He learned that lesson while interviewing women old enough to remember the arrival of household technologies we now take for granted.
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