Restore the 2009 squad and force them to mount a title challenge with Stephen Ireland, Martin Petrov and Richard Dunne. Force Ferran Soriano to drive a parade bus backwards through Manchester, once for every major trophy won. Ban the Poznan, or at least make City fans do it facing forwards.
Yes, in the week since it emerged that Manchester City have been found guilty of all the financial charges laid against them by the Premier League, a great and cathartic silliness has begun to stalk the land. The Sainsbury’s account on Instagram posting a picture that reads “114 unexpected items in the bagging area”. The relentless trolling from Domino’s Pizza, which claims to have “irrefutable evidence that pineapple is the best pizza topping”.
The City fan on BBC 5 Live arguing that the club’s defiance of unfair rules is part of a rich tradition of civil disobedience going back to the suffragettes and the Peterloo massacre, and therefore justified because “they’re trying to massacre Manchester City”. Liam Gallagher’s late-night diatribes on X, the most unhinged of which compares City to “Jesus prepared to die on the cross”. (The most popular reply, naturally, simply reads: “Sham Pain Supernova”.) And on some level it’s possible to see the ritualistic ridicule of City as the first downpayment on any punishment: a kind of collective healing, banter as therapy. Before the stripping of points and titles, the stripping of dignity.
This is always how the British have dealt with anything, from an early general election to the death of a treasured celebrity. I heard my first Princess Diana joke within about 15 seconds of walking through the school gates the following Monday morning. Back in the real world of real consequences, the Abu Dhabi counteroffensive was beginning in earnest.
While City launched their appeal, Etihad Airways was threatening to sue the Premier League for the “damaging implications” of the verdict and government officials from the United Arab Emirates were surreptitiously warning that the case could threaten diplomatic relations and billions of pounds of investment into the UK. Which sounds like a pretty hefty multi-pronged problem until you realise that these are all basically the same entity. Like one of those one-man stage shows you see at the Edinburgh fringe, where all the characters are played by a single guy scurrying around the stage frenetically putting on different costumes.
The leadership of Etihad Airways? The board of Manchester City? Goodness, your versatility astonishes us.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
