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'I don't know what my partner earns': How soon into dating should you reveal your salary?

'I don't know what my partner earns': How soon into dating should you reveal your salary?

bbc.co.uk 08.10.2026 19:58 4 views
Talking about salary, spending habits and debt can be some of dating's trickier conversations.

You know their favourite restaurant, what happened with their ex and their most embarrassing childhood story. But do you know how much your partner earns? Money remains one of dating's trickier conversations.

Bring it up too early and it can sound like you're sizing up their bank balance. But leave it too long and you could be planning a future with someone without knowing much about their finances at all. We spoke to 20-somethings in New York City to see if there was a sweet spot for when to talk salaries.

Willa Morton, 25, says she doesn't think couples necessarily need to reveal their salaries at all. "It's just a number and you can gauge how much someone makes based on the way they live and how much they spend," she says. Willa, who works in tech sales, has talked to her boyfriend about not earning very much herself but hasn't asked him for a figure in return.

He's a company founder and, though his income varies, she knows that he earns more than she does. "He's more free-spending whereas I'm always saying, 'That's too expensive, that costs too much, we don't need to spend that.'" Their dates typically cost around $200 (£150) and he usually pays, while she picks up smaller bills such as coffees. "It's an unspoken rule that he will pick up the bigger bills." For many, there's a fairly clear dividing line as to when you talk about salary, spending habits and debt and that's when you become an official couple.

Alexa Ludato, 25, who works in insurance, says she'd only have the conversation when she was official with someone. Before then, she would "like to have an idea of what their job is, but not how much they make". Her friend, Vik Sunderaj, 22, agrees.

"You should only discuss it once you get into a serious relationship." He thinks a salary question on the first few dates is "a little crazy". "If they asked, I would be honest, but I wouldn't bring it up," he says. And if his date really wanted to know his salary, "it probably means they wouldn't be the right person for me".

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