I’m now in a relationship with a man I really like and would love to see it continue to develop, however it feels more like a “situationship”. It’s been three months so far, the attraction was instant and strong and felt very promising. We see each other on weekends, which he has stated works for him (partly because he lives an hour away).
I’ve told him that I would like to spend more time together and, because of his response, I decided I’d ease off and see what happens. I know he likes me, we get on well and I also know he’s not seeing anyone else. The contact we have in between is sporadic and it’s usually me that initiates it.
If he does, it’s very casual. Bottom line – I feel like I’m getting crumbs. The problem is I’m scared of losing him if I state more definitely what I need.
It’s difficult to meet men at my age and, while I have a full and active life, I also crave the intimacy that can only be obtained in a relationship. Eleanor says: I feel bad for our wants, constantly told they’re overwhelming for other people and pre-emptively ushered from the room. But feeling like you can’t speak your wants out loud only adds to that sense that they’re scary.
You want to know things like: can I count on you; can I know more about how you feel; can I know whether this relationship aligns with my plans for my time and my body? These are pretty normal, humble things to want. Saying you’d like something is not an ultimatum.
You can say you’d be happier with relationship clarity with the same ease you’d have saying you’d like Italian for dinner, or to take a walk. I’m not threatened or insecure about the fact that I’d like this, because it’s fine that I want it and I’m not going to go to pieces if I don’t have it. Indeed, there’s something really attractive and self-possessed about a person who doesn’t present their desires gingerly.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
