After a brief encounter on the playground the other week, I’m pretty confident in my decision not to gentle parent. With parents more stressed out and busier than ever, I can see the value in consciously taking a step back and allowing your child to figure things out on their own. In some ways, I think gentle parenting encourages parents to slow down and be in the moment instead of constantly rushing your child through life because we're all too busy to waste precious seconds while they try to do something we could easily do ourselves.
But when did we decide kids shouldn’t want to make their parents proud? Or that we should tell people they’re parenting wrong while they’re just trying to enjoy the playground with their toddler? Before we get to the story, here’s a quick welcome to Diary of a Work-In-Progress Mom, a weekly check-in on how life is going as a new mom who wasn't sure she wanted to be a mom until she was told she couldn't get pregnant.
If you’re not already following me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook, here’s a brief introduction. I’m a 34-year-old woman living in New York City with a 16-month-old, and I am really making my own rules for being a mom because I know nothing. As in, I never even held a baby before having a baby of my own (I know, I think my parenting scares my mom sometimes).
Living in New York City, my toddler and I spend most of our day outside the house, so we’re regulars at the playground. I rarely get into in-depth conversations with other parents because I’m chasing a feral toddler around, but we’ll exchange a few words here or there, bonding over the shared chaos that is parenthood, and usually everyone’s perfectly pleasant. Which is why, when I was scolded for being a bad mom, I was left completely stunned.
My son climbed up the stairs on his own, so I clapped and told him, “Good job, buddy!” Listen, was it the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen? But he held onto the railing and figured out how to hoist his chunky thighs up a step that’s half the size of him, and for a little kid, that’s an accomplishment. Suddenly, I heard a woman’s voice next to me, “You shouldn’t do that.” I assumed she meant don’t let him climb the stairs on his own because it’s dangerous, so I told her that it was fine because I was right there nearly touching his back so he wouldn’t fall.
Right about now you’re probably either agreeing with this woman or you’re thinking about all the things you would have told her, most of which aren’t appropriate for me to repeat here. I know, I know, I should have stood up for myself. When I left the house that morning, the last thing I thought was going to happen was that I'd be mom-shamed for telling my son “good job.” Mom-shamed for a bunch of other things I do that seem insane in today's world?
Extract — continue reading at the source.
