A grieving mom has shared the heartbreaking answer she now gives when people ask how she survived losing her child. Rachel Stewart, 44, and her husband, Shane Stewart, 45, who reside in the Pacific Northwest, told Newsweek their "entire world changed" when Kenadie, their 10-year-old daughter, died from an aggressive form of brain cancer. Now, when people tell the Stewarts they don't know how they've survived losing their daughter, their response is simple: They didn't.
Rachel, who is also mom to Myla and Salem, said that the version of herself that existed before Kenadie died no longer exists. "Almost everything about me changed when Kenadie died," she said. "There was a version of me who existed before that day that died alongside my daughter, and I don't think I'll ever be her again." Kenadie was diagnosed with a brain tumor when she was 2 years old.
After undergoing surgery and radiation treatment, her family believed the worst was behind them. "For eight years, we hoped that chapter was behind us," Rachel said. Then, on Christmas Eve, Kenadie developed a headache.
Doctors discovered she had a new form of brain cancer, one that was far more aggressive. "We lost her just one month later," Rachel said. While parts of her were "completely shattered" by the loss, she said other aspects of her life opened in unexpected ways.
"I see life differently now," Rachel said. I pay attention differently. So many things that used to feel important just don't anymore." After Kenadie died, the Stewarts struggled not only with grief but also with questions about what had happened to the daughter who had been such a central part of their daily lives.
"We didn't know where she was," Rachel said. "We had no idea that what started happening after she died would eventually change everything we believed about that." She described those early months as a period of pure survival. Over time, however, her relationship with grief evolved.
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