The term has been around since the early 2000s, and even before then, people were being randomly cut off by romantic interests before there was a word for it. And yet, of course, no matter how commonplace it’s become, it still stings the same. So in today’s particularly awful dating landscape, people are trying to prepare themselves ahead of time.
Actually, they’re going into dating expecting to be ghosted. In a viral TikTok video, user @kiwiproductions.tx says that this is how she moves in her relationships. For some people, this can also be a trauma response, especially if they've experienced significant relational hurt in the past.” And while I feel for everyone who has been ghosted at one point (or more) in their life, perhaps we’ve gone from being cautiously guarded to a flat out cynical.
Part of dating is knowing that you’re putting yourself out there, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and yes, taking the risk of being hurt. And although it feels like mentally preparing yourself for that hurt is a way to protect yourself, you actually may be doing more damage than you think. Lam explains that confirmation bias might happen in these situations.
Confirmation bias is the unconscious tendency to search for information that aligns with your pre-existing beliefs or expectations while ignoring anything contradictory. For example, if someone takes longer to respond to a text, we might automatically assume it’s because they’re losing interesting—because we convinced ourselves that was bound to happen before we even started texting them in the first place. Plus, when you make it your mantra that any date you go on will likely be the last time you see that person, it affects the way you show up on dates—which then can influence how the other person reacts and responds.
If you walk into your next date already expecting to be rejected, it may make you hold back from sharing as much as you’d usually do or even try to appear more nonchalant. While you may think you’re just protecting yourself, your date is seeing a closed-off, detached person who really isn’t interested in them. Wouldn’t that make you uninterested in another date?
I’m not saying that approaching dating with caution is a bad thing—quite the opposite. This can actually be great for intentionally dating, as it allows you to develop the relationship at a pace that feels comfortable and appropriate. But living in a state of constant distrust with someone you want to build a connection with isn’t going to benefit you or the potential relationship you want to create.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
