Picture this: You're having sex, things are getting hot and heavy, and instead of enjoying yourself, you're wondering if your stomach looks weird from this angle. Or whether you're making the right noises. Or if your partner is secretly bored.
Suddenly, you're less focused on how good everything feels and more concerned with whether you're putting on a five-star show. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing something called spectatoring. And no, we're not talking about watching other people get it on.
Basically, you're so busy thinking about how you're doing that you forget to actually enjoy what you're doing. The good news is that you don't have to spend the rest of your sex life mentally reviewing your own performance. Ahead, experts explain why spectatoring happens, how it can affect your pleasure, and what you can do to get out of your head and back into the action.
Spectatoring is essentially the sexual equivalent of having an overly critical audience in your head. Instead of focusing on what feels good, you're mentally evaluating everything from your appearance to your partner's reactions to how long it's taking you to orgasm. And while it's closely related to performance anxiety and self-consciousness, spectatoring is a little more specific.
In other words, getting distracted by your grocery list is one thing. Mentally critiquing your boobs while someone's touching them? And despite the name, you don't actually need an audience for it to happen.
Spectatoring can occur during masturbation, too, whether you're worrying about how long it's taking to finish or wondering why your body isn't responding the way you think it should. The tricky thing about spectatoring is that you might not even realize you're doing it. According to Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, sex educator and author of How Do You Like It?: A Guide for Getting What You Want (in Bed), common signs include: You might also notice that sensations feel less intense or that you're suddenly having trouble getting aroused.
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