Taylor Swift already told us she can do it with a broken heart. That might be due to grit, stamina—or a little psychological trick called a coping mantra. When she feels stressed by her circumstances, “I go through several processes and coping mechanisms,” Swift revealed in August during the Icon Sessions, a conversation presented by the Recording Academy’s Songwriters & Composers Wing.
You chose this every day. You could have opted out of this any day before it got unmanageably big.’ And I decided not to because I love it that much.” Even if you don’t have plans to perform in stadiums worldwide, you might recognize the peculiar frustration of being trapped by something you chose—whether that’s the job you once desperately wanted, the committee you volunteered to lead, or the dinner party you insisted on hosting. Stress leaves little room for nuance, says Dr.
Jasmine Sawhne, a psychiatrist in Los Angeles. When your body is in fight-or-flight mode, you’re not going to reason your way out of it. A mantra gives your overloaded brain something simple to grab onto—and buys you a beat to choose what to do next.
Here’s how to find one that actually helps. It’s also a promise about a future you can’t see—which means your anxious brain might reject it before you finish the sentence. From a cognitive behavioral therapy perspective, predicting that everything will work out is a form of fortune-telling, says Alison McKleroy, a San Francisco therapist and author of The Self-Compassion Journal.
The same goes for affirmations like “I am confident.” If you feel unsure, your brain isn’t going to buy it. You can say it 1,000 times, McKleroy says, and still not believe a word of it. Instead of predicting a rosy outcome or forcing a new personality, a useful mantra can state a choice that’s within your control.
Swift’s is essentially: I’m choosing to keep doing this, difficult parts and all. Stoddard takes a slightly different—but equally reality-based—approach. When she’s crushed by too much to do and too little time, she tells herself, “I’ll get it done.
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