We often think of cheating as this big act of infidelity that involves sex with someone that isn’t your partner. But sometimes, even things that don’t feel like that big of a deal—liking someone’s Instagram posts consistently, sending a flirty text and then deleting the message off your phone, getting a phone number while you’re out—can break trust between a couple. This is because betrayal and infidelity can only really be defined by two people in a relationship.
And sometimes, your partner would call what you’re doing secretly “microcheating.” Therapist Debra Feinberg, LCSW explains that microcheating consists of “small, often secretive behaviors that cross an emotional line without being a full affair.” Depending on the couple, this can look like anything. Paulette Didia tells Cosmopolitan. Microcheating can lead to difficult discussions and sometimes even a breakup.
It essentially becomes up to you and your partner to figure out what boundaries exist in the relationship, what loyalty looks like to you, and how you move forward (or don’t) when trust is broken—no matter what the scale. Exchanging a hot glance with a stranger or acting coy with a coworker—fun, fun, fun. But there’s a point where—if you’re in a relationship—flirting can cross the line into a form of microcheating.
And oftentimes, you’re very aware of where that line is. Regardless, the best thing to do is to have a conversation about what you and your partner expect of each other when it comes to interacting with people outside of your relationship. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Cheryl Groskopf explains that couples often face roadblocks around discussions of infidelity because they just assume that “loyalty” means the same thing to them as it does to their partner.
The reality is that we’re all very different and think differently about what cheating is. Anthis suggests making the boundaries you draw specific and mutual—not guesses. What does microcheating look like to each of you?
Now, what your partner thinks is microcheating will likely look a little (or a lot) different from your definition. You might personally think liking certain photos of other people is harmless. But once you hear your partner out and why they feel disrespected, what do you gain by continuing the action?
Extract — continue reading at the source.
