My partner and I have been together for 25 years and we have two sons, aged 14 and 16. Both are football crazy and have played since they were very young. My partner’s competitive nature was one of the things I initially found attractive about him (I wanted someone with drive).
However, this side of him rears its ugly head when our kids play matches. He shouts, criticises and, worst of all, swears at teenagers. I’m so embarrassed by it and it’s also affecting the boys.
Their teammates hear their dad and it’s creating tension. I’ve tried to speak to him about it but he brushes it off. Our boys and the coaches have spoken to him too, but to no avail.
It may sound extreme, but I feel as if I’m falling out of love with him over this. How can I be with someone who shows no respect for his children, their friends and teammates, let alone coaches and referees? I feel he’s being selfish and if he can’t behave decently at matches he simply shouldn’t go.
I don’t think it sounds extreme – it’s a really unattractive side to your partner. This isn’t competitiveness, it’s him being an arsehole and I sincerely hope he doesn’t act like this in other areas of his life. I went to UKCP-registered psychotherapist Lucy Fuller.
We were both interested in the “why now, why here” aspect of this. You say your boys have played since they were young; has he always shouted at them or is this a more recent, or increasing, behaviour? Could this be his only model of what support looks like?
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